Diary of An English Courtesan

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Articles: 1-30, 31-60, 61-90, 91-120

Thinking Bloggers
2007-04-07 22:49:00
Those of you who read the last post will know that the English Courtesan was given a ?Thinking Blogger Award? by the lovely Ex-Courtesan Gillette in this post here...This is of course the English Courtesan's first ever blogging award and she is doing a happy whoopy war dance round her laptop as she types! The fact that she is an avid reader of Gillette's Most-Thinking-of-All-Blogs added to her delight and made the accolade even more appreciated.For those of you who have yet to discover the Ex-Courtesan In Transition blog on the Links Livvy Likes List, Gillette is a delightful combination of thoughtful and kind and clever and tender and soulful and witty and wise and all-round wondrous - should the English Courtesan go on or are your cheeks already rosy Gillette? Ahem... ;-)So thanks to Gillette, it's time for another meme and the English Courtesan gets a nice award button for her blog too ? see the bottom right of the page! Those of you who read the last meme will know the format...

Antique of The Week
2007-04-04 14:59:00
The English Courtesan was tickled pink to receive a Thinking Blogger Award from the delectable Gillette (AKA Ex-Courtesan In Transition) this week in this post here! The honour bestowed upon her by all-time favourite blogger Gillette, means that the English Courtesan now has the right to hand out her very own Thinking Blogger Awards to five lucky bloggers...results to follow on Saturday...In the meantime, it has been a while since the English Courtesan did a post on antiques, so here we have Antique of The Week which was from the Lyon & Turbull Sale in Edinburgh on 21st March.It was a Regency side table, possibly by Gillow's, that caught the eye of most and was widely hailed as a herald of recovery for the brown furniture market, as it fetched £105,000, almost 10 times its estimate. However what caught the English Courtesan's eye was the more modest but stunning Lot 486, and there it is in the photo, which the English Courtesan shamelessly purloined from Messrs. Lyon and Turbull?s...

Courtesans and Beavers
2007-03-31 14:50:00
The picture shows one of the English Courtesan?s favourite spots in the North and was taken by her own fair hand. It shall of course remain nameless, but it might be Yorkshire or it might be somewhere entirely different. As you can see from the picture, it has trees, water and spectacular sunsets, so that should help you narrow it down. Answers on a postcard to the usual? :-)Following on from last week?s sexual statistics, the English Courtesan thought she?d share some statistics of a different kind with the readers this week. Have you ever wondered what phrase people type into Google to find the English Courtesan Olivia? Here is an extract from this week?s weird and wonderful ?keyword activity? entries?beaver dazzlingfood label yellow cheese nakedlivvy naked (swiftly followed by Olivia naked)Yorkshire escort cheese on toast saucysquealing virginscourtesan have gun will travelanimalistic metaphorshow to train a hamster to go faster in a ballolivias bottomsstockist lyons green label ...

Yorkshire Neighbours
2007-03-28 13:37:00
Have you ever wondered if you unwittingly live next door to the English Courtesan? Do you find yourself lying awake to ponder whether the girl next door who arrives and leaves at unusual hours could be an escort? Well if you're in Yorkshire and you have black or ginger body hair and you tend to slobber a lot and you lactate...then you just might... :-)Meet Olivia's new Yorkshire neighbours! Would anyone like to join me in raising a hearty 'moooooooo!' to welcome the new kids to the neighbourhood? One of the English Courtesan's little known party tricks is mooing like a cow - strange but true and it tends to be a useful ice-breaker in the right company (especially of the bovine variety). You can see from the photo that the new neighbours were suitably impressed (or bemused?) by Olivia's unusual talents!In the meantime, the milkmaid fantasy calls and the English Courtesan must away to find a frilly outfit and a suitable three-legged stool... :-)Technorati Tags: courtesan, courte...

Sex & The Psyche
2007-03-24 17:19:00
The English Courtesan would like to announce that the French auction is now closed! You can still email her at the usual address but please note that she may take a while to reply as March appears to be Courtesan Busy Season in the UK. Apologies to those who have written in to Olivia and not received replies - she is working her way through the Inbox as we speak! ;-)As many of you know, the English Courtesan is a voracious reader and a rather unusual book caught her eye this week. ?Sex & The Psyche? by Brett Kahr, is the result of five years research into British sexual fantasies. Stop sniggering at the back there! We English (and indeed the wider British) do have sexual fantasies and they?re not all about spanking each other over cups of tea. Or at least not always??Sex & The Psyche? features over 1000 ?real life!? fantasies, which range from the mundane through the amusingly disgraceful to the thoroughly twisted. It is based around responses from over 19,000 British adults, ov...

Bouffant Bottoms
2007-03-17 23:08:00
The English Courtesan would like to wish all her readers a Happy Mothers Day, a Happy St Patrick's Day and a happy finale to the Geneva Show for those boys and girls who made it to Geneva this year.What better way to celebrate the auspicious triple blessings than with a picture of the big, bouffant bottom of the Morgan AeroMax, once again filched from the Morgan Motor Company website? No doubt many of the readers would prefer a picture of Livvy?s own bottom, but you?ll just have to make do? ;-)Today?s post, alas, must be a brief one, as the English Courtesan has a Mother she adores and must trot off to prepare her big surprise for tomorrow. As some of you may recall, the first attempt to raise the issue of becoming a courtesan with her didn?t go well. However said Mother has since taken the news of Olivia?s intention to be a courtesan rather surprisingly well, which makes her even more special, so tomorrow is a big day!Before you all stop commenting however, it goes without saying ...

The Courtesan's Cars for 2007
2007-03-10 14:24:00
There has been some confusion over the English Courtesan?s French auction so the rates are now on the post. To book more than 3 days, just email the English Courtesan at the usual address (encrypted email on request)...Onto today's post which is on one of the English Courtesan's favourite topics, namely motor cars, or indeed Top Cars for 2007, varoooooooooooooom! Her timing, as the oily-fingered speed freaks amongst you will note, is perfect, in that it coincides with this year?s Geneva Motor Show. So for those who, like Olivia, were too busy working to make it out to Geneva this year, here is your consolation post?The first and best on the list is not actually available for delivery till February 2008 but it is at the Geneva Motor Show. Livvy?s not one for pedantry though, so despite the ?Top Cars for 2007? theme, she absolutely had to give the English Courtesan?s Top Car Prize to the gobsmackingly gorgeous Morgan AeroMax pictured above. The picture undoubtedly speaks a thousand ...

Lunar Eclipse in Yorkshire
2007-03-07 14:56:00
For those readers who wrote in to complain that they missed the lunar eclipse on account of being too busy reading the English Courtesan?s latest auction post, here is a fuzzy wuzzy picture of it viewed from Yorkshire. Never let it be said that Olivia does not fulfil your every need, my readers... :-)Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, yorkshireThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

La France & La Courtisane
2007-03-03 17:45:00
La Courtisane Anglaise pense qu?il est temps de révéler la surprise dont elle vous parle depuis déjà une quinzaine... Êtes-vous prêts, chers lecteurs?Before she reveals all however, and in order to give you all time to answer the question, here are a few further clues as to the English Courtesan's p'tit projet for those of you in the mood...1) It is six months since the last such événement culturel2) It has something in common with eventing3) It may or may not involve a château and Paris4) It will definitely involve the English Courtesan5) It might involve you...Oui, vous l'avez deviné! Without further ado then, the English Courtesan bids you the warmest of welcomes to the salle des ventes ce soir for Livvy's French Auction...What better way to celebrate the joys of Spring than in the Land of Lovers with the English Courtesan? As a Francophile with a passion for Delaunay and delicatessens, Olivia could think of no more delightful way to put a spring in her step than with a littl...

Mon Petit Projet
2007-02-28 21:38:00
Zut alors! Is zees a cloo as to Ze English Courtesan?s p'tit projet bien séduisant? Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, france, secretsThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

Dulce de Leche II
2007-02-24 21:36:00
The English Courtesan felt that having started the Tale of The Dulce de Leche she really ought to finish it. Here endeth Olivia's Dulce Tale. :-)In the meantime The English Courtesan has an important announcement or indeed an invitation to make. It won't be until next week but the readers would be well-advised to watch this space. Sweetness follows... ;-)Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, food, gourmetThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

Dulce de Leche I
2007-02-17 11:37:00
An extra post from the English Courtesan? Has she caved in at last to the pleas of her readers for more frequent favours? Nope. Sorry. :-)She's not telling when the next post will be. She likes to mess with the dates retrospectively too. So do pop back to see if Livvy Hen has laid one! As it were... ;-)In the meantime this one is thanks to the superlative guesswork of The Wise Errant Thoughts and The Gracious Gillette who are hereby declared The Winners of the English Courtesan's Valentine's Day Quizzery! Onto today's post which is a foodie one for as the loyal readers will know Livvy Likes Licking...Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, food, gourmetThe English Courtesan was thrilled to find a favourite eaty treat in her local supermarket. Her local supermarket (?local? is a relative term) is deeply uninspiring and the arrival of gnocchi in this part of Yorkshire a few months ago was a major event. Hence the fact that Olivia spends her life on a hunt for a de...

Bonnard?s Intérieur Avec Nu
2007-02-15 00:11:00
The English Courtesan would like to wish all her readers a belated Happy Valentine?s Day! As a special Valentine?s Day gift, here is Bonnard?s Intérieur Avec Nu which he painted around 1905. The original can be found in the Ashmolean in Oxford and it was bequeathed by Frank Hindley Smith in 1939. Read on to find out why the English Courtesan chose this particular painting to celebrate Valentine's Day with you... As the art historians amongst you will know, Bonnard was a member of Les Nabis (The Prophets), a group of Post-Impressionist artists and illustrators who had a major influence on the literary, artistic and musical scenes in Paris in the 1880s and 90s. The Intérieur Avec Nu is arguably atypical of Bonnard's usual style, in that the colours are more muted than much of his work and the mood is more pensive.The reason that Bonnard?s Intérieur Avec Nu might be considered a gift to the readers, just as it was the the lucky old Ashmolean, is that it bears a striking resemblance t...

Oxford For The Weekend...
2007-02-10 12:11:00
Please note that due to technical issues, the original post has disappeared from Blogger! So for those readers who may have missed it on Lady Glyde?s blog the first time around, here it is again..When the English Courtesan Olivia was asked to write a guest post for Lady Glyde?s blog, she whooped with delight, did a happy naked jig round her boudoir and accepted the honour bestowed upon her! The English ladies of good repute, Lady Glyde and Livvy, debated the topic of which cities make the best luxurious escapes with one's lover and the post below was the result?read on if you dare?Oxford, the city of dreaming spires, is one of the English Courtesan?s all-time favourite cities and the perfect place for an escape with one?s lover. A fairytale skyline, honey-coloured buildings, wonderful galleries and bookshops, superb dining, and all just down the road from the picture perfection of the Cotwolds with their rolling green fields, thatched cottages and antique shops. What more could a g...

Oxford's Dreaming Spires
2007-02-10 10:38:00
This week?s truly scandalous and salacious news is that the English Courtesan has moved to Oxford with the delectable Kathleen Glyde! OK, OK, so that?s a slight exaggeration, but a courtesan can dream, can?t she? :-)Lady Glyde, who is one of the most delightful ladies that the English Courtesan has been blessed to come across, kindly invited Olivia to write a guest post. For those of you who haven't met her, she has skin as silky and delicious as the finest mocha-chocca-wocca parfait, a musical giggle that would charm the dolphins out of the sea, and an accent more exotic than acai berries spiced with cinnamon in a plum roulade au tomates Momotaro with a frangipani flower behind its ear!So we put our heads together and came up with the tantalisingly entitled 'Luxurious escapes with one's lover'. The first great escape on the list is Oxford, Olivia's alma mater and one of her all time favourite cities for a weekend of exquisitely erudite debauchery...So the English Courtesan's ...

Sex and Disability
2007-02-03 16:56:00
The English Courtesan was deeply moved by a documentary which highlighted a completely different aspect to the procurement and pimping debate this week, as well as some interesting issues around sex and disability. The picture shows Nick Wallis, a 22 year old who has a degree in ecology and who was a talented artist until he lost the use of his hands due to his medical condition.Nick suffers from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, a progressive condition for which there is no treatment or cure. Since he was young, Nick has been a frequent visitor to Helen and Douglas House in Oxford. Helen House is a children?s hospice that provides respite care for children with life-threatening or terminal conditions and Douglas House is the young adults? hospice for those aged from 16 to 40.The English Courtesan?s UK readers may have seen the BBC2 documentary ?The Children of Helen House? which follows the lives of the parents, children and staff there. The English Courtesan has a general dislike of th...

The Bunny's Texts
2007-01-27 19:06:00
The picture is captioned 'Stewtime!'. Today?s post is an account of a text conversation between the Bunny and the English Courtesan.For those of you who haven't been following this sorry saga, you can read The Bunny?s Tale, parts I-V, in the August archive here (scroll down and start on 14th August) and also the post on The Bunny's Gifts in the October archive here ...Olivia: Eagle safely landed on train and can?t wait to see you! Train gets into **** [London station] at 14.32. Don?t worry if late ? can make way to tube and feed the Oyster! Xxx[editor?s note ? an oyster in this context is not a slippery fishy thing but an Oyster card, a kind of prepayment card for London tubes and buses]Bunny [2 nanoseconds later]: When will you arrive here ? or will it be somewhere else?Olivia [half an hour or so later]: Oh my goodness ? I am so sorry! That was meant to go to Chloe! Xxx [Chloe is a friend]Bunny: That?s OK ? it was good to hear from you if only accidentally. XOlivia: It was good...

On Pimping in Courchevel
2007-01-20 16:30:00
The English Courtesan has been highly amused by the furore over ?Nickel Knickers?, AKA the Russian oligarch Mikhail Prokhorov.For those of you who haven?t been following the saga, Mr Prokhorov was arrested on 9th January for alleged pimping in Courchevel, where he was celebrating the Orthodox New Year and his business partner?s birthday.41 year-old Mr Prokhorov was released last week by the French Authorities but is a ?material witness? and may be called back for further questioning. Mr Prokhorov, whom the English Courtesan should point out is not to be confused with the Nobel Prize Laureate in Physics, is ranked 89th on Forbes 2006 rich list. That?s largely due to his 54.8% stake in Norilsk Nickel, the world?s biggest producer of nickel and palladium, hence the unfortunate nickname ?Nickel Knickers?. His fortune is estimated at U$7.6 billion so combined with the rarity of salacious scandal in the metal and mining markets, this may explain the EU media feeding frenzy.Mr Prokhorov wa...

Chola and Uma's Hips
2007-01-14 23:33:00
The photo shows the Goddess Uma from the ?Chola ? Sacred Bronzes of Southern India? exhibition and is courtesy of the Royal Academy, London.The English Courtesan didn't exactly ask their permission to reproduce the photo here but she's sure they'll forgive her if there's an influx of highly-cultured and highly-sexed readers to the exhibition after this post... ;-)The English Courtesan was recently lucky enough to see the Chola exhibition herself. She was particularly thrilled to catch the exhibition as she narrowly missed seeing a similar larger exhibition of Chola bronzes in Washington D.C. in 2003 and has been looking forward to its arrival in Europe ever since. Despite her general lack of patience with museums, Olivia loves galleries and this exhibition is an intriguing example of the merging of sacred and sensual in religious art.This is a small but perfectly formed exhibition in every possible way. There are just 30 cast bronzes on display and most are tiny and astounding i...

The Wanderer Returns...
2007-01-06 15:08:00
Please note that the English Courtesan will be away until Sunday so the next post will be then. Those of you who have been watching closely will realise that she just edited this post. That's because the stats show that the governmental employer of one of the previously-referred-to cousins has been taking an unhealthy interest in the blog. Cue a new family scandal?The English Courtesan is back in Yorkshire and has had what can only be described as a weird one. The family cast included her 80 year old Aunt, also known as the Matriarch (think Lorca?s Bernarda Alba) and her doubly-incontinent husband Creepy Uncle, who holds long conversations with the English Courtesan?s breasts and is in general family disgrace for Misdemeanours Which Must Not Be Named. Then there?s Downtrodden Daughter One, also known as McDonalds Cousin as she only eats hamburgers, and Downtrodden Daughter Two, also known as Psychic Cousin as she likes to give advice based on her visions of crows, bears, shamans, h...

Filling Your Stockings III
2006-12-16 23:09:00
Please note that the English Courtesan will be on holiday next week so the next post will be on Saturday 7th January 2007. She wishes you all a merry Christmas with plenty of mince pies and a happy New Year full of debauchery! The photo incidentally is not the English Courtesan but a Holy Toaster called Diana - see below...With just one week to Christmas, it?s undoubtedly time for the next instalment in the English Courtesan?s Filling Your Stockings series. For those of you who?ve only just joined us, this is Olivia's personal guide to the best of this year?s twisted toys for not-quite-grownups. This week we have a form of culinary delight which is?wait for it?you?re going to love this one too?Holy Toast!Holy Toast is actually a pair of toast moulds. That may not sound miraculous but believe me, it is, as this is a toy that lets you have your very own vision of the Virgin Mary on a daily basis! Press the moulds into a piece of bread, toast it in the usual manner (remove the moulds ...
More About: Toys

Tagging and Memes
2006-12-09 19:06:00
The photograph shows the English Courtesan's very own USB Christmas tree glowing prettily in the penumbra of a Yorkshire evening. If you've read the previous post you'll know she has a penchant for USB toys of all kinds and the sillier the better. This one is Olivia's favourite as it glows five different colours and when you press its button it plays carols in a dingle-doogle-bongle cheesy fashion!The English Courtesan was delighted to be tagged with a meme by the lovely Gillette, who some of you may know as Ex-Courtesan in Transition. The post was here and was a particularly splendid one as it celebrated the emergence of Gillette after a spell of blog hiatus. The English Courtesan had been saddened by the disappearance of Olympia (Postmodern Courtesan) and the continued hiatus of Thais (The Way of Hetaira), so the reappearance of Gillette was most welcome.You may well be wondering what a meme is, and so was the English Courtesan until it was explained to her. The challenge is t...
More About: Toys

Filling Your Stockings II
2006-12-04 13:47:00
Three weeks to Christmas makes it high time for the next in The English Courtesan?s series of Filling Your Stockings, the discerning gift buyers? guide to uber-toys and gadgets of the totally unnecessary but mind-bendingly desirable type.After a bevy of amusing emails in response to The Beaver post a fortnight ago (including a witty Readers? Wives type photo of a homemade George Bush), it?s onto USB gadgets this week in the hope of eliciting a similar photographic response. Last year it was USB drumming Santa, the USB massage ball (ribbed for her pleasure!) and the USB mug warmer, but this year it?s?wait for it?oooh, you?re going to love this one?the USB hamster wheel!The English Courtesan must firstly point out that no animals were harmed in the making of this blog and that the hamster in question is a furry fake. Your USB hamster wheel comes fully fitted with its own fake hamster so no domestic pets need to be involved, tempting though that may be to some of you sickos out there. ...
More About: Toys

Niqabs and Crosses
2006-11-25 17:02:00
Please note that The English Courtesan is away on assignment this weekend but will post again on Monday and answer your comments next week!The English Courtesan notes that it has been a peculiar week for religious symbols in England. British Airways stepped down over suspending a worker for wearing a cross and a Yorkshire teaching assistant who wears the niqab has been sacked.For those of you who missed the debate, Nadia Eweida had refused to return to work at the check-in desk at Heathrow airport since British Airways bosses told her last month she could not wear a necklace bearing a small cross over her uniform. She was asked to conceal the cross underneath the uniform cravat but refused on the grounds that she did not see why she should hide her faith. She was offered a choice between suspension on paid leave, which she feared would be an admission that she had done something wrong, or unpaid leave pending disciplinary action, and she chose the latter.British Airways denied it ha...

The Courtesan's Notoriety
2006-10-21 15:39:00
The picture is Solitude, which was painted by Alexei von Jawlensky in 1912. It is one of the English Courtesan's own particular favourites and she's sharing it with you as a form of bribery for you to reveal your secrets...read on...The English Courtesan?s notoriety appears to be spreading like wildfire! Last week she received three interesting requests for her participation in non-coital activities?The first was from a documentary maker who wanted the English Courtesan for an ?I was a mistress but look what I turned into!? type feature. That wasn?t how they described it, but reading between the lines and having some knowledge of the TV channel in question, I can quite imagine the salacious lines they would pursue. My feelings towards the Bunny of The Tale may be mixed at times but I would never stoop to an expose and I felt that was what they ultimately sought. So amusing though the concept was to the English Courtesan, in an ?Oxford high-flyer turns scarlet harlot!? sort of way,...

Les Demi-Mondaines
2006-10-07 22:12:00
Please note that the following post has been edited as the English Courtesan received an email from one of the courtesans who was mentioned in the original post. Please rest assured that no offence was intended - this post was pure speculation and was genuinely not intended to upset any of the courtesans mentioned or undermine any attempts at rebranding... Read on if you dare! The photo of Van Gogh?s The Courtesan (after Eisen), painted in 1887, comes courtesy of a very dear friend of the English Courtesan?s, who shall be known here only by the initial J.The English Courtesan has recently noticed that something mysterious is afoot amongst the cliterati sisterhood. If you?ve clicked on the ?Links Livvy Likes? to the left, you?ll have noticed that several blogs from fellow courtesans have been taken down or put on hiatus.Before the English Courtesan induces mass hysteria, you?ll be relieved to hear that many of the courtesan greats are still at it. Ahem. ;-) The Hippo Man (a great, if...

The Library
2006-09-14 16:38:00
?And as The English Courtesan and her Paramour crept out of the softly lit Library, which had been their happy love nest for a delightful few hours, they left behind them a token of esteem for the Librarian.Two purple plums and a finely bound volume from Olivia's very own library?Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, antiquarian, books, librariesThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

Antique Hunting II
2006-09-09 19:24:00
In the previous post you have reasons to buy antiques online, but you may be wondering where the English Courtesan sources hers. Wonder on, my friends! Olivia has no intention of causing unnecessary inflation in her chosen online lairs? :-)As a consolation though, here are a few English antique links that tickle The English Courtesan's fancy:http://www.antiquestradegazette.co.uk/The trade bible for the UK antiques' market, and the online version of the newspaper. There are some interesting news articles, but the best features are arguably the lot finder (which allows you to search current catalogues) and the saleroom price guide (which has auction results and photos for over a million articles). There are live auctions from several UK auction houses and you can also subscribe to auction alerts.http://www.lapada.org/The London and Provincial Antique Dealers Association (or at least they were until they rather randomly renamed themselves the Association of Art & Antiques Dealers...

Antique Hunting I
2006-09-07 01:36:00
The topic of today?s post is antique hunting on the internet, which is one of the English Courtesan?s favourite online pastimes. The other is looking at pictures of naked ladies - more on that in a later post...Perhaps we should begin with normal antique hunting. Although Olivia likes online hunting, she does appreciate proper auctions too.If you?re wondering which one is Olivia, she is usually to be found lurking at the back of provincial salerooms behind a large piece of brown furniture. That?s a sly tactic to unnerve other bidders by staying just outside their line of sight so that they don?t know who they?re bidding against.Livvy catches the auctioneer?s eye early on and then leans nonchalantly again a wall waggling her number paddle in a menacing fashion. She always leaps in just at the point when the auctioneer says ?are we all done at???. She likes to be Number 69 for obvious reasons, but alas most salerooms don?t give one a choice of number these days.There?s a certain friss...

The Bunny's Tale IV
2006-08-20 19:02:00
Please note that from now on The English Courtesan will post twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays. There may of course be occasional extra posts for special events like Olivia's heralded First Night of Debauchery. The ralentissement fits in with her plans for increasing the nocturnal and indeed diurnal action here (slightly more lovers means slightly less writing)!Are we sitting comfortably? Then back to The Tale of The Bunnykin... Those of you who have read Olivia's previous posts will guess that the photograph is the statue of Ganesh in the lush tropical gardens of the hotel where I first met B****. If you look closely, you will see a lollipop and two red flowers at Ganesh's feet...You may be wondering where the Tale of the Bunnykin is heading. I realise that I have yet to begin the real story. Perhaps that was my prelude to recognising that I cannot condense two years of being B****?s mistress into words. Two years of passion, of insanity, of the wildest pleasure and the ...