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Evil Minions, Inc.


Evil Minions, Inc.
Everyone needs an outlet for the frustrations that arise from the daily grind. This is probably doubly true for the henchmen and women, who put their necks on the line day in and day out, all in the name of a little thing called world domination.
Articles: 1-30, 31-60

Articles

show dem pumpum printers
2007-09-25 22:52:00
Ha, ze German hairkutters finally admit to be ciciman.
show dem pumpum printers
2007-09-25 22:52:00
Ha, ze German hairkutters finally admit to be ciciman.
Damage control
2007-09-24 19:15:00
File on A. Mayer X23352-07/03/1986 - Code name: The Wimp.Date of entry: 09/19/2007Damn the internet. Nowadays information that should be handled with a little discretion is spreading way to fast. Sometimes, footage leaks onto the net and thousands of people across the globe have seen within hours what no one should ever see. Just a few years ago I would have sent my boys to the scene to deal with the eyewitnesses. It sure was a pleasant alleviation of our work when we got the memory-messer-uppers. Now, thanks to the net they're rendered almost useless. This footage leaked onto the net yesterday:If information cannot be contained the book states several methods of ridiculing it and thus making it implausible. Occasionally, we even leak information to hollow sources such as UFO sightings intentionally. That way if anyone ever does see one of our unidentified flying objects (terrestrial or not), nobody will take the witness seriously.In the "Wimp" case I chose the full force approach....
Damage control
2007-09-24 19:15:00
File on A. Mayer X23352-07/03/1986 - Code name: The Wimp.Date of entry: 09/19/2007Damn the internet. Nowadays information that should be handled with a little discretion is spreading way to fast. Sometimes, footage leaks onto the net and thousands of people across the globe have seen within hours what no one should ever see. Just a few years ago I would have sent my boys to the scene to deal with the eyewitnesses. It sure was a pleasant alleviation of our work when we got the memory-messer-uppers. Now, thanks to the net they're rendered almost useless. This footage leaked onto the net yesterday:If information cannot be contained the book states several methods of ridiculing it and thus making it implausible. Occasionally, we even leak information to hollow sources such as UFO sightings intentionally. That way if anyone ever does see one of our unidentified flying objects (terrestrial or not), nobody will take the witness seriously.In the "Wimp" case I chose the full force approach....
Hamburg Harburg
2007-09-21 18:08:00
Zat is vot ze hole vorld is goink to look like ven my Master finally succeeds! Ze Harburg part zat is, not ze Hamburg part.
Hamburg Harburg
2007-09-21 18:08:00
Zat is vot ze hole vorld is goink to look like ven my Master finally succeeds! Ze Harburg part zat is, not ze Hamburg part.
er, er, vee should really support such places
2007-08-28 19:01:00
Excellent, Master Fronkensteen's plan to plant ze stupid gene into ze Sous Karolinaien DNA is finally showing some fruits.
er, er, vee should really support such places
2007-08-28 19:01:00
Excellent, Master Fronkensteen's plan to plant ze stupid gene into ze Sous Karolinaien DNA is finally showing some fruits.
The G.O.A.T.
2007-08-22 12:27:00
Either there's some kind of evil minion convention going on that I don't know about or all of the other bitches on this blog are out getting their pubes waxed...Anyway, these ransom letters aren't going to mail themselves. In the meantime, here's a video of a real man's man.
The G.O.A.T.
2007-08-22 12:27:00
Either there's some kind of evil minion convention going on that I don't know about or all of the other bitches on this blog are out getting their pubes waxed...Anyway, these ransom letters aren't going to mail themselves. In the meantime, here's a video of a real man's man.
Revenge in three easy steps
2007-08-20 15:42:00
The number of villains, supervillians and evil geniuses at work in the world is fairly high and each of those figures has at least few thugs in their employ. I don't actually consider myself a "thug", but depending on the size of the outfit, you can run into a wide range of personalities -- from the highly-skilled henchperson to...let's say, the "dumbasses". It's pretty much the same as in any office environment, really.I was gonna say something along the lines of, "We're paid to read, not to lead." However, that's probably also slightly misleading, as I'm convinced that some of my colleagues are functionally illiterate.The best way I can describe this type of work environment is like this: Remember back in your school days, when you had to give a book report? A portion of the students in the class will at least attempt to cobble together a halfway decent book report after reading the book. Then, you always have the kids that forego reading in favor of the CliffsNotes, or I su...
Revenge in three easy steps
2007-08-20 15:42:00
The number of villains, supervillians and evil geniuses at work in the world is fairly high and each of those figures has at least few thugs in their employ. I don't actually consider myself a "thug", but depending on the size of the outfit, you can run into a wide range of personalities -- from the highly-skilled henchperson to...let's say, the "dumbasses". It's pretty much the same as in any office environment, really.I was gonna say something along the lines of, "We're paid to read, not to lead." However, that's probably also slightly misleading, as I'm convinced that some of my colleagues are functionally illiterate.The best way I can describe this type of work environment is like this: Remember back in your school days, when you had to give a book report? A portion of the students in the class will at least attempt to cobble together a halfway decent book report after reading the book. Then, you always have the kids that forego reading in favor of the CliffsNotes, or I su...
A night on the town
2007-08-18 12:49:00
About a year ago, my buddy Chris decided to start participating in The Boss' "commuter program". It's for employees who don't want to or for some reason can't live on the island. Chris got hitched about a year ago and when he found out that his wife was pregnant, they decided that they should probably live somewhere a bit more kid-friendly than an island chock full of bad guys and scientific experiments that try to overthrow the laws of God and nature. It was actually more Chris' idea than Sheila's. Before she went on maternity leave, she was the head of The Boss' super secret Ninja Assassin Squad. So, I think it kinda goes without saying that she's cool as fuck. I think Chris is just using this whole baby thing as an excuse to get off the island. He loves his job, but he has always hated living here.So, the two of them signed up for the "commuter program" and now they've got a spread out in Las Vegas, go figure. Employees who want to commute to work can do so from anywhere...
A night on the town
2007-08-18 12:49:00
About a year ago, my buddy Chris decided to start participating in The Boss' "commuter program". It's for employees who don't want to or for some reason can't live on the island. Chris got hitched about a year ago and when he found out that his wife was pregnant, they decided that they should probably live somewhere a bit more kid-friendly than an island chock full of bad guys and scientific experiments that try to overthrow the laws of God and nature. It was actually more Chris' idea than Sheila's. Before she went on maternity leave, she was the head of The Boss' super secret Ninja Assassin Squad. So, I think it kinda goes without saying that she's cool as fuck. I think Chris is just using this whole baby thing as an excuse to get off the island. He loves his job, but he has always hated living here.So, the two of them signed up for the "commuter program" and now they've got a spread out in Las Vegas, go figure. Employees who want to commute to work can do so from anywhere...
Pilotink ze pussy
2007-08-18 11:28:00
Oh now all ze sudden it vas not you who stuck his päjnös up my arse anymore? Oh Frau Blücher, oh Frau Blücher, let me kome on your vrinkly sagging titties, you skreamt!Let me tell you somesink, Herr McSatan, I'm pilotink ze pussy, vis Luftwaffe hat and SS gloves and all, just like my girlfirend Alexyss:PS: FedEx deliwers. And if zey don't find you at home, they ewen offer to kome to your workplace.*This post was brought to you by FedEx Transilvania, your official parcel service for evil deliveries. FedEx - making the Feds ex!*
Pilotink ze pussy
2007-08-18 11:28:00
Oh now all ze sudden it vas not you who stuck his päjnös up my arse anymore? Oh Frau Blücher, oh Frau Blücher, let me kome on your vrinkly sagging titties, you skreamt!Let me tell you somesink, Herr McSatan, I'm pilotink ze pussy, vis Luftwaffe hat and SS gloves and all, just like my girlfirend Alexyss:PS: FedEx deliwers. And if zey don't find you at home, they ewen offer to kome to your workplace.*This post was brought to you by FedEx Transilvania, your official parcel service for evil deliveries. FedEx - making the Feds ex!*
Hardy-har-har
2007-08-17 08:27:00
I woke up this morning to find a mutilated dead horse in my bed. I don't know how it got there, but I got a pretty good idea of who is responsible for it. I insinuated in my last post that I had sexual relations with "everyone's favorite psycho horse bitch", Frau Blücher. Geez, it was a joke lady...get over it! No need for killing innocent horses and dragging them to my house. Not only is it unsanitary...it's just plain insane. Should I send you my bloody sheets so you can wash them yourself? Or just the dry cleaning bill? That was 400 thread count Egyptian cotton and now...it's ruined. Also I don't even wanna know how you managed to get my fucking home address in the first place! I swear, if one of these other fuckers on this group blog gave it out...someone is gonna get cut. A joke...Witz...I vas making ze funny...? Do you understand?! Goddammit! Just go take one of your happy time old people pills and chill the fuck out.
Hardy-har-har
2007-08-17 08:27:00
I woke up this morning to find a mutilated dead horse in my bed. I don't know how it got there, but I got a pretty good idea of who is responsible for it. I insinuated in my last post that I had sexual relations with "everyone's favorite psycho horse bitch", Frau Blücher. Geez, it was a joke lady...get over it! No need for killing innocent horses and dragging them to my house. Not only is it unsanitary...it's just plain insane. Should I send you my bloody sheets so you can wash them yourself? Or just the dry cleaning bill? That was 400 thread count Egyptian cotton and now...it's ruined. Also I don't even wanna know how you managed to get my fucking home address in the first place! I swear, if one of these other fuckers on this group blog gave it out...someone is gonna get cut. A joke...Witz...I vas making ze funny...? Do you understand?! Goddammit! Just go take one of your happy time old people pills and chill the fuck out.
"Good Guys" suck
2007-08-16 22:48:00
See, this is what I'm talking about people. And at the end, everybody just has a big laugh. If that cop had broken out the front porch windows of the compound, he'd be shark bait right about now. I can't fucking stand these douchebags. And the sergeant in charge?! He's all like, "How are we gonna write this up?" And I'd be all like, "Bitch, what the fuck?! Come and pet my aquarium full of pirhanas!" This shit is not funny to me. On a lighter note, you know that Frau Blücher? She's so freaky, but freaky in the "good way"...if you know what I mean *wink*. Don't get me wrong, she's a mean old bitch, but once you get her hollering that German jibber jabber... It. Is. Over. Beneath her rough and haggard exterior, she's a total G.O.I.L.F.A. (German Oma -- yadda yadda -- Again). I think she's into the darkies though...
"Good Guys" suck
2007-08-16 22:48:00
See, this is what I'm talking about people. And at the end, everybody just has a big laugh. If that cop had broken out the front porch windows of the compound, he'd be shark bait right about now. I can't fucking stand these douchebags. And the sergeant in charge?! He's all like, "How are we gonna write this up?" And I'd be all like, "Bitch, what the fuck?! Come and pet my aquarium full of pirhanas!" This shit is not funny to me. On a lighter note, you know that Frau Blücher? She's so freaky, but freaky in the "good way"...if you know what I mean *wink*. Don't get me wrong, she's a mean old bitch, but once you get her hollering that German jibber jabber... It. Is. Over. Beneath her rough and haggard exterior, she's a total G.O.I.L.F.A. (German Oma -- yadda yadda -- Again). I think she's into the darkies though...
Ah finally some braun oser braun shade wideo
2007-08-16 21:45:00
Zis modern day color shit does not suit me at all. I don't know vot zis jung man is tolking about, zis hip and ze hop, but sänks for bringik somesing i kan see. ze hip and ze hop sounds like somesink ze shildrens do to me. these little krittas...You hear you little shits, ze next of you who tries to help me akross ze street so I don't get run owa by a horse, I'll breaks your fuckink neck!
Ah finally some braun oser braun shade wideo
2007-08-16 21:45:00
Zis modern day color shit does not suit me at all. I don't know vot zis jung man is tolking about, zis hip and ze hop, but sänks for bringik somesing i kan see. ze hip and ze hop sounds like somesink ze shildrens do to me. these little krittas...You hear you little shits, ze next of you who tries to help me akross ze street so I don't get run owa by a horse, I'll breaks your fuckink neck!
Hint hint
2007-08-15 22:12:00
I don't know how many of y'all remember USA Network's Up All Night, but it was a great show hosted by the oh-so-M.I.L.F.-y Rhonda Shear. Every Friday, she hosted a bunch of cheesy B-movies, which was where I first became aware of the cinematic classic, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown.Personally, I'm a very big fan of the Keanu Reeves' filmography (Keanu and I share the same birthdate -- plus, I just think he's a raging badass). However, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a film that pretty much any man could enjoy. You've got a gang of hormonal, menstrual biker-chicks...there are some midget fights along the way...and the kicker?! They've got to protect a bus full of blind orphans from a town over-run by ZOMBIES!!! If this had been the plot for Speed 2, I'd bet my left nut that that Keanu Reeves woud have reprised his role as Officer Jack Traven instead of passing. Fucking Hollywood. Always killing a brotha's dreams...Anyway, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is available on DVD...an...
Hint hint
2007-08-15 22:12:00
I don't know how many of y'all remember USA Network's Up All Night, but it was a great show hosted by the oh-so-M.I.L.F.-y Rhonda Shear. Every Friday, she hosted a bunch of cheesy B-movies, which was where I first became aware of the cinematic classic, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown.Personally, I'm a very big fan of the Keanu Reeves' filmography (Keanu and I share the same birthdate -- plus, I just think he's a raging badass). However, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a film that pretty much any man could enjoy. You've got a gang of hormonal, menstrual biker-chicks...there are some midget fights along the way...and the kicker?! They've got to protect a bus full of blind orphans from a town over-run by ZOMBIES!!! If this had been the plot for Speed 2, I'd bet my left nut that that Keanu Reeves woud have reprised his role as Officer Jack Traven instead of passing. Fucking Hollywood. Always killing a brotha's dreams...Anyway, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is available on DVD...an...
Bushy bushy fishy squishy...
2007-08-12 15:07:00
Drawn Together - La La Labia - MyVideo
Bushy bushy fishy squishy...
2007-08-12 15:07:00
Drawn Together - La La Labia - MyVideo
No hard feelings
2007-08-11 18:38:00
I'd have to say that probably the biggest downside of living in an evil lair on a semi-autonomous tropical island off the coast of Mozambique is the rather low ratio of females to males. I mean, that's not to say that I don't work with some attractive henchpeople (the more PC term), but we're pretty low on vaginas over here. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway since I'm not really down with the inter-henchpersonnel relationships anymore. No siree, learned my lesson there.My last girlfriend was a co-worker and man was she evil! I know everyone says that about their significant other, but I'm talking like literally the embodiment of evil over here. Hot as fuck, though. I guess where the relationship really took a dive head-first into a pool of shit, was that I just couldn't stand her constant nagging. She was always like, "Why aren't you more ambitious? I bet there are at least 10 guys around here who'd be willing to help you get your own start up schemes off the ground....
No hard feelings
2007-08-11 18:38:00
I'd have to say that probably the biggest downside of living in an evil lair on a semi-autonomous tropical island off the coast of Mozambique is the rather low ratio of females to males. I mean, that's not to say that I don't work with some attractive henchpeople (the more PC term), but we're pretty low on vaginas over here. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway since I'm not really down with the inter-henchpersonnel relationships anymore. No siree, learned my lesson there.My last girlfriend was a co-worker and man was she evil! I know everyone says that about their significant other, but I'm talking like literally the embodiment of evil over here. Hot as fuck, though. I guess where the relationship really took a dive head-first into a pool of shit, was that I just couldn't stand her constant nagging. She was always like, "Why aren't you more ambitious? I bet there are at least 10 guys around here who'd be willing to help you get your own start up schemes off the ground....
Zombie-osity
2007-08-11 00:12:00
Highly underrated. Just listen to our Commander-in-Chief:Bush vs. ZombiesSomeone has totally been doing their research.
Zombie-osity
2007-08-11 00:12:00
Highly underrated. Just listen to our Commander-in-Chief:Bush vs. ZombiesSomeone has totally been doing their research.
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